I sat in a wall of sound,
each beautiful note played around me causing pain.
Tears began to well up, and a sense of panic overwhelmed me,
What if?
What if the problem gets worse,
What if music- my career, my passion,
Becomes too painful for me to bear?
I sat in lessons with my precious students all afternoon,
Ugly orange ear plugs stuffed in my ears,
Stealing clarity,
And still there was pain and ringing.
Is sound now my enemy?
The music of the birds singing to welcome the dawn,
The beautiful music of the orchestra around me,
The music singing through my clarinet,
The sound of my husband’s voice,
All things I will cherish, things I will fight to keep.
I will let go of the overwhelming feeling of panic.
It does no good to wrap myself in fear.
In its place I will focus on the positives,
Focus on healing,
And cherish every moment sitting in that beautiful wall of sound.

2 thoughts on “Overwhelmed

  1. A few years ago my hearing completely dissociated – I lost my ability to hear sounds blend in my head. It was like being in an enormous echo chamber. You can imagine that as choir director – each voice and speaker hitting each of my ears separately – it was frightening. Praying for you.

    1. Thank you so much for your message. I’m sorry for what you went through, and I hope that you are able to hear normally again. Hearing issues can be terrifying on the best of days, but for a musician, it can be especially cruel. I appreciate your good thoughts, and I will send my own back to you. Denise

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