Sometimes it’s just the little things. I decided to grab some stolen moments this morning- not just for myself, but also for my home and animals. I trimmed my overgrown usually very short nails. I did laundry, straightened, vacuumed, put dishes away, bathed the dogs…the things that have been bothering me terribly when I come home at night from the hospital too exhausted to do anything about it. I feel just a bit more normal for having done these rituals that always calm me.
Now I can let those worries go and get back to the work of going through insurance papers and forms, and go to the hospital to sit with Mom…who has already asked me twice when I am coming to see her. She had a rough night with breathing issues, and is still hardly eating. She told me for the second morning in a row that she is not going to make it long. I have to believe that when she is out of the hospital that her outlook will improve. She tells me. “Lying in a bed is no life, Neese. I can’t do this much longer.”
So, feeling torn- sit with Mom at the hospital? Or, take care of the countless things that must be done to get her moved and settled at St. Martin’s. I end up spending time doing both, feeling torn, feeling whole. Doing the best I can to juggle it all.