Life has been a roller coaster lately, and I have often found myself wishing my mother was still here to give me one of her wonderful hugs, wipe away my tears, and tell me everything is going to be okay. She was such a good listener and had a way of making me believe I could get through tough times, and I usually ended up smiling by the end of our talks. Sometimes I feel so lonely without her- that one person who knew me better than anyone and who always loved me, no matter what. It has been so strange not having that anchor in my life that I depended on so much more than I ever knew.
Just hours before Mom died, I asked her to send me signs if she could, and she told me she would. I don’t pretend to know or understand what happens when people die, but I do believe in the power of love, and that love never dies. I also believe in Heavy D, and when she made a promise, she always kept her word. My sister and I have had several signs, unexplained things that happened that made us feel like Mom is there, watching over us. It gives me such a feeling of peace to think of her looking out for us. Especially now that she has those mad angel skills.
I was feeling down this morning, stressed about some big responsibilities and events I have coming up, along with some personal issues. My worry wart self is in full-blown DEFCON Seven. No matter how much yoga I do, no matter how much meditation and positive self-talk I do, I still feel immense pressure right now, with too many plates spinning around me. I missed Mom so badly. And then I opened up my Facebook newsfeed, and saw this, one of those “Two years ago today” memories… Heavy D sporting her Valentine’s Day glasses with her buddy Joanne.
A little wink from my special angel, something to make me smile and remember. Something to remind me that I am loved, that everything will be okay in time. I smiled and shook my head. That Heavy D is something else. Nothing will stop her from keeping a promise.
Thanks, Momma. I needed that.