A Holiday Lament: Diet Edition


‘Tis the season for joy and light,

But with cookies and candies my pants are too tight. 

There are parties and cocktails on daily rotation,

And my scale has achieved a new elevation. 

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care

In hopes I can fit in them and not make them tear. 

I walk and I kickbox and yoga each day,

Even that can’t keep the caloric apocalypse at bay. 

All I want for Christmas is to enjoy my vacation,

With laughter and song, and a bit of moderation. 

It seems that last part is just too much trouble,

So it looks like Santa will have a new body double. 

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all over my couch, 

The glow of Hershey’s Kisses wrappers explain my new pouch. 

“They’re special- it’s just this one time of year!”

Tell that one to my ever-expanding big rear. 

And so as I turn to head up to my bed,

Picking up wrappers and shaking my head,

I wish you all joy and wondrous delight,

I’m afraid my jeans have no hope in sight. 


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