But with cookies and candies my pants are too tight.
There are parties and cocktails on daily rotation,
And my scale has achieved a new elevation.
The stockings are hung by the chimney with care
In hopes I can fit in them and not make them tear.
I walk and I kickbox and yoga each day,
Even that can’t keep the caloric apocalypse at bay.
All I want for Christmas is to enjoy my vacation,
With laughter and song, and a bit of moderation.
It seems that last part is just too much trouble,
So it looks like Santa will have a new body double.
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all over my couch,
The glow of Hershey’s Kisses wrappers explain my new pouch.
“They’re special- it’s just this one time of year!”
Tell that one to my ever-expanding big rear.
And so as I turn to head up to my bed,
Picking up wrappers and shaking my head,
I wish you all joy and wondrous delight,
I’m afraid my jeans have no hope in sight.